The critical factor is the way this break is implemented. In this situation, giving the child a break can actually be a positive parenting strategy. But alas, parents are also human, and as hard as we may work on controlling our emotions, there are times when the only way that is going to happen is when we can take a break from the intensity of the moment. Sure, in a perfect world, parents would be able to manage their reactions (indeed, the lion’s share of my work with parents is on helping them learn this very skill). When emotions (and cortisol levels in the brain) are sky-high, a break for both parent and child can be a healthier solution than an ongoing battle. At these times, parents are also pushed to their emotional limit, their last nerve worked. But as anyone who has been the parent or caregiver of a young child knows, there are times when children are so out of control-throwing objects, kicking, hitting, biting-that they cannot accept comfort and in fact, the more the parent tries to soothe the child, the more out of control she gets. Opponents of time-out often suggest “time-in,” which entails a parent physically comforting a child to calm him or her, no doubt a great strategy. Giving children (and parents!) space to calm themselves can be helpful, not harmful. When implemented this way-as punishment-time-out can no doubt be detrimental to the child. But all of these negative outcomes assume that time-out is approached with anger, shaming, and harshness by the parent. Further, children can become so overwhelmed by the disruption in their relationship with their parent during time-out (and by the shame they feel for being “bad”) that their emotional upset increases and their likelihood of learning from the experience decreases. Critics believe that instead of helping children calm down, time-outs have the opposite effect-causing children to become even more distressed and “dysregulated,” or out of control.
Infant and Early Childhood Mental HealthĪ number of recent articles in popular media that denounce the use of time-outs have sent many parents, understandably, into a tailspin.